Observations at the Gym (or, Unsent Memos to My Fellow Gym Patrons)

someecards.com - If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes, we are racing.

To the guy who does 50 crunches and then goes to the mirror, lifts up his shirt, and checks out his abs – the body does not transform that quickly after a set.  Take a human physiology class.

To the girl wearing Gucci shades on the stepmill – it is not night time, why are you wearing your stunna glasses?  Especially when you did not wear them in the locker room.

To the gal reading a book and going 1.5 mph on the treadmill – if you do not have a drop of sweat on you after 30 minutes of that, it might be helpful to go a bit faster.

To the guy(s) grunting and groaning when lifting weights – if I can hear you over my music that is at 90%, I feel like your grunting volume is just really gratuitous at that point.

To the overly enthusiastic spin instructor – perhaps one Monster before class is sufficient?

To the girl who is eating peanut M&M’s on the stepmill – am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?  Is this real life??

To the guy going lightning fast while skipping rope – wow, you are impressively fast!  And you are so graceful, not messing  up once!  Was that a double flick of the wrist??  You are on fire… oh but wait, you forgot the rope.

To the guy who lifts up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face – yes, your abs are delicious, but it’s okay to use a towel.  It’s that cloth hanging from your shorts.

To the gal doing 50 reps on the assisted pull-ups – when you’re 110 and the weights are at 100, you might not be challenging yourself enough.

To the guy who put away the 30 pound dumbbells – so when the place you put them on reads “10,” that is not where you should put them.

To the guy working out next to me – I put my towel there to signify that I’m  both using that area to work out in and I like personal space.  Or, you can just step on my towel, that’s cool.

And just in case everyone thinks I am greater than thou – rest assured I do not think that!  Here’s what I think their unsent memos might be:

To the girl who always wears a black tank and Nike shorts – please tell me that you have more than one set of those clothes.  (Yes, I do!  I just don’t want to think about matching thankyouverymuch)

To the girl running on the treadmill – why do you prance when you run?  Are you a show pony or trying to win Best in Show? (B’s actual observation of me, grrr)

To the girl who sweats standing still let alone becomes a drenched rat after a cardio session – um, can you go in the corner so you lessen the “splash zone” around you, please? (Main reason why I run outdoors!)

Obviously, this is a product of trying to find free hobbies during my spending abstinence…


34 thoughts on “Observations at the Gym (or, Unsent Memos to My Fellow Gym Patrons)

  1. Going to the gym on a Marine Corps base is probably the WORST thing in the world. They are always loaded with dudes in green sweat suits, grunting, and looking at their muscles in the mirrors. We’re on an Army base now, so it isn’t half as bad since the gym is 10 times bigger and no one in the Army actually uses it haha. 🙂

    • Haha, nice Army dig 😉 At least Marines are fit, some of the guys who overly grunt are… um, well, not as fit, and may or may not need a back wax (I know, that was mean… but so true!).

    • LOL the last three are all me for sure – B and a few friends constantly make fun of my running “prance” and ask if I’ve showered after a cardio session since I’m so sweaty. 🙂 A lot of gym buddies are always like, “Oh, you’re wearing all black, that’s weird.” haha

    • Oh my gosh, that guy cracks me up, he does other things that are pretty amusing but that’s my favorite. And YES, she totally did – I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe it was protein balls or something, but I recognize that yellow wrapper anywhere 🙂

  2. Oh, and to those people who walk around and blow dry their hair completely naked…we get it, you have a nice body you’re trying to show off…but we don’t need to see that! When I belonged to Equinox this was the worst!

    • I totally know what you mean – or when they talk to you and they’re completely naked, it’s hard to make eye contact, put a top on! At my gym there’s a nice area to put on make-up and dry your hair, and people sit on the cushions naked – I want to say “Man, this isn’t your house!” blech 🙂

  3. There are awesome! Thanks for making me smile. I’m going to add one more based on a real experience:

    To the guy who takes the machine right next to me, even though there are 50 other open ones, and then proceeds to fart up a storm, I hate you.

  4. Is there any way you can either post your workout plan or email it to me? I’ve hit a plateau and need some motivation. Thanks!

  5. Eww – the splash zone! Craziest spin class ever was the day our instructor had had vitamin B injections earlier in the day. She had so much energy it was insane!

    My unsent note:
    “To the 70+ year old woman that blow dries her hair topless: Seriously. Put on a shirt, that’s just gratuitous locker room nudity.”

    • Haha I’m not proud of my profuse sweating, but I’ll own it 😉 They make vitamin B injections? I totally no what you mean about the elderly ladies going topless – there was a lady that was dying her hair out on the bench, completely nude except for the plastic gloves on her hands like it was her house! Blech :/

  6. Thanks for sending me your workout plan! I had to youtube some of the workouts like “skull crusher” which sounds and looks intense!

    • Right?! I sometimes eat Clif Blocks during a long run since it’s a nice shot of energy, but she was kind of in “mosey” speed so not sure what kind of energy she was trying to sustain with them 🙂

  7. Pingback: Thursday Rant: Stupid People Edition | 1500 Days to Freedom

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