To the guy who does 50 crunches and then goes to the mirror, lifts up his shirt, and checks out his abs – the body does not transform that quickly after a set. Take a human physiology class.
To the girl wearing Gucci shades on the stepmill – it is not night time, why are you wearing your stunna glasses? Especially when you did not wear them in the locker room.
To the gal reading a book and going 1.5 mph on the treadmill – if you do not have a drop of sweat on you after 30 minutes of that, it might be helpful to go a bit faster.
To the guy(s) grunting and groaning when lifting weights – if I can hear you over my music that is at 90%, I feel like your grunting volume is just really gratuitous at that point.
To the overly enthusiastic spin instructor – perhaps one Monster before class is sufficient?
To the girl who is eating peanut M&M’s on the stepmill – am I seeing what I think I’m seeing? Is this real life??
To the guy going lightning fast while skipping rope – wow, you are impressively fast! And you are so graceful, not messing up once! Was that a double flick of the wrist?? You are on fire… oh but wait, you forgot the rope.
To the guy who lifts up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face – yes, your abs are delicious, but it’s okay to use a towel. It’s that cloth hanging from your shorts.
To the gal doing 50 reps on the assisted pull-ups – when you’re 110 and the weights are at 100, you might not be challenging yourself enough.
To the guy who put away the 30 pound dumbbells – so when the place you put them on reads “10,” that is not where you should put them.
To the guy working out next to me – I put my towel there to signify that I’m both using that area to work out in and I like personal space. Or, you can just step on my towel, that’s cool.
And just in case everyone thinks I am greater than thou – rest assured I do not think that! Here’s what I think their unsent memos might be:
To the girl who always wears a black tank and Nike shorts – please tell me that you have more than one set of those clothes. (Yes, I do! I just don’t want to think about matching thankyouverymuch)
To the girl running on the treadmill – why do you prance when you run? Are you a show pony or trying to win Best in Show? (B’s actual observation of me, grrr)
To the girl who sweats standing still let alone becomes a drenched rat after a cardio session – um, can you go in the corner so you lessen the “splash zone” around you, please? (Main reason why I run outdoors!)
Obviously, this is a product of trying to find free hobbies during my spending abstinence…