Confessions of a Somewhat-Procastinating Early Bird with a Love-Hate Fitness Relationship

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One of my favorite running spots

Jefferson’s post on his typical run was so awesome, I decided to go ahead and plagiarize become inspired by it and create a timeline of what a usual weekday morning workout routine looks like for me.

4:34 a.m.* – Yes!  I’ve woken up before the alarm goes off at 4:45, I’ve already “won” for the day – suck it, technology!  Now time to sneak out the room ninja-style as to not waken the grumpy bear.

4:35 a.m. – 4:50 a.m. – brushed my teeth and hair, changed, prepped my work clothes, and chopped up our morning fruit with a quickness – just call me butter, cuz I’m on a roll!

4:50 a.m. – 5:10 a.m. – I know I should be leaving, but what human tornado entered this place (I’m looking at you, B!)??  Can’t. Stop. Organizing. And. Wiping. Things. Down.

5:10 a.m. – 6 a.m. – Okay, arrived at the gym and ready to get my buff on!  Dangit, someone’s on the cables, time for Plan B.  Okay, first set – one, two, three, four, five, *mind wanders*, dangit, what rep am I on?  Let’s just say eight… (Continue at least 2-3 times with various exercises).

6 a.m. – 6:15 a.m. – Time to run outside!  Hrm, still dark out, better chill a bit so it gets a little lighter and better pack my pepper spray.  Please Sweet Baby Jesus, don’t let there be wandering coyotes/strays or creepers because, as you’re aware, I’m not fast by any stretch of the imagination.

6:15 – 6:20 a.m. – Alright, start of the run – set my iPod to a 45 minute run, let’s do this!  Bones creaking, not yet in my groove, shuffling my feet until I warm up… what do you mean it’s only been 5 minutes, Lady who lives in my iPod??  You’re a b!tch!

6:20 – 6:30 a.m. – Okay, I’ve got my groove now!  Starting to get light out, look at the cool kayakers on the bay!  My shuffle is starting to get into prance-mode**.  Life is good!  Wow, it’s already been 15 minutes, Lady in my iPod?  Time flies!

6:30 a.m. – 6:40 a.m. – Nuts, the cars are starting to come around… hey, share the road, busters!  *Motions with my hands* Go around, go around…

6:40 a.m. – 6:50 a.m. – Ah, my favorite part – the extra segment that cars/bikers/runners usually don’t frequent since most take the short loop.  Savor this because it’s a nice place of solitude.  What a great view of the water, palm trees, and… wtf, is that a skunk?!  Ruuuunnnn!!!***

6:50 a.m. – 7 a.m. – Last leg and you can go home, you got this – let’s put on some happy music like Black Eyed Peas to set the pace right!  Oh crap, a pack of morning runners going the opposite direction of me, finish strong, yo, do-not-walk, do-not-walk!

7 a.m. – Yay, back to my car!  Thanks for congratulating me, Lady in my iPod, you’re my BFF!  Now time to race home and shower… and subsequently have an energy crash around 10 a.m. 😉

*This could also have the reverse effect of me snoozing the alarm and not waking up until 5:15 or so.  In that case, then I usually say “dangit, well I can run a couple of miles at least!  You won this time, technology!”

**Allegedly, I prance instead of run according to gym and runner friends alike.  I’ve come to embrace and accept this.

***Only happened once, but it did happen!

And to be honest – I don’t do this every day!  It’s my favorite routine, but I do more or less time (or only do weights or only run) depending on what time I wake up.

What’s your morning (or workout) routine thought process? 🙂

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Observations at the Gym (or, Unsent Memos to My Fellow Gym Patrons)

someecards.com - If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes, we are racing.

To the guy who does 50 crunches and then goes to the mirror, lifts up his shirt, and checks out his abs – the body does not transform that quickly after a set.  Take a human physiology class.

To the girl wearing Gucci shades on the stepmill – it is not night time, why are you wearing your stunna glasses?  Especially when you did not wear them in the locker room.

To the gal reading a book and going 1.5 mph on the treadmill – if you do not have a drop of sweat on you after 30 minutes of that, it might be helpful to go a bit faster.

To the guy(s) grunting and groaning when lifting weights – if I can hear you over my music that is at 90%, I feel like your grunting volume is just really gratuitous at that point.

To the overly enthusiastic spin instructor – perhaps one Monster before class is sufficient?

To the girl who is eating peanut M&M’s on the stepmill – am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?  Is this real life??

To the guy going lightning fast while skipping rope – wow, you are impressively fast!  And you are so graceful, not messing  up once!  Was that a double flick of the wrist??  You are on fire… oh but wait, you forgot the rope.

To the guy who lifts up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face – yes, your abs are delicious, but it’s okay to use a towel.  It’s that cloth hanging from your shorts.

To the gal doing 50 reps on the assisted pull-ups – when you’re 110 and the weights are at 100, you might not be challenging yourself enough.

To the guy who put away the 30 pound dumbbells – so when the place you put them on reads “10,” that is not where you should put them.

To the guy working out next to me – I put my towel there to signify that I’m  both using that area to work out in and I like personal space.  Or, you can just step on my towel, that’s cool.

And just in case everyone thinks I am greater than thou – rest assured I do not think that!  Here’s what I think their unsent memos might be:

To the girl who always wears a black tank and Nike shorts – please tell me that you have more than one set of those clothes.  (Yes, I do!  I just don’t want to think about matching thankyouverymuch)

To the girl running on the treadmill – why do you prance when you run?  Are you a show pony or trying to win Best in Show? (B’s actual observation of me, grrr)

To the girl who sweats standing still let alone becomes a drenched rat after a cardio session – um, can you go in the corner so you lessen the “splash zone” around you, please? (Main reason why I run outdoors!)

Obviously, this is a product of trying to find free hobbies during my spending abstinence…